Cortney Fries

Stephanie Izard Dishes About Duck Duck Goat and Impending Motherhood

Posted on March 10, 2016 by Cortney Fries

Published by Make It Better- March 2016

Duck Duck Goat, Stephanie Izard’s third highly anticipated restaurant, is expected to open in March, before Izard gives birth to her first baby in May. Izard is the talented chef at the helm of West Loop hot spots Girl & the Goat and Little Goat Diner. You may also remember her as the delightful “Top Chef” season 4 winner, graced with a friendly smile and a halo of brunette curls.

Duck Duck Goat will be a Chinese American restaurant with a takeout window, located at 857 W. Fulton Market. Izard promises to provide tasty food and great service in a fun, casual environment — which we don’t doubt, given her impressive track record. Make It Better had the opportunity to talk with her about the new restaurant and its drool-worthy menu, being a celebrated female chef and motherhood.

Make It Better: What was the inspiration behind Duck Duck Goat?

Stephanie Izard: We host Sunday Suppers at Little Goat. A couple years ago, we had a Chinese one that was very popular.

You traveled to China to research the cuisine, didn’t you?

We visited various regions in China and Taiwan, but also Chinatown in Chicago. This restaurant is about how Chinese food came to the United States. It’s a hodgepodge of different parts that I really like.

You’ve also been developing your own variation of dishes, such as a “slap noodle.”

Yes, we are making all our own noodles — seven different kinds. We roll the dough, let it relax, plop it down and pull it into long, chewy noodles.

Sounds great, but time-consuming.

Yes, making all the noodles and dumplings by hand takes a lot of time. Most people would probably just buy wonton skins and call it a day. But I taught myself and now I’m training my sous chefs how to do it. Every dumpling has its own kind of dough.

Can’t wait to try them! Can you tell us about the interior design of Duck Duck Goat?

We have a new design firm, AvroKO, and it’s amazing — not what you would expect of a Chinese interior. It doesn’t have the obvious things, like the Great Wall of China. It celebrates Chinese culture in America. The whole kitchen is open, like street food vendors. What are some of your favorite dishes? There’s Cheung Fun, rice noodles rolled up and served with sausage, grilled cuttlefish and XO broth, and Crispy Frog Legs & Potato in oyster sauce. I’m a huge fan of fried rice. We’ll have five different kinds. Forbidden Dirty Goat has forbidden black rice with goat liver, goat bacon and pickled quail eggs. There’s also Duck, with a soy-poached duck egg over Jasmine rice.

What kind of desserts will be on the menu?

We have a new pastry director, Nate Meads, for all three restaurants. In China there are a lot of baked goods. We’re turning casual street fare into plated desserts, like a Taiwanese pineapple cake.Yum. How about the cocktails? There will be some really fun ones. The Shao Shsing Redemption, with savory Agrocybe mushroom-infused syrup and Shao Shsing rice wine, is an awesome, masculine drink. There are also a couple of lighter ones, with beet-apple shrub and carrot/ginger/turmeric syrup. The pick-up window is a great idea. What will you serve there? It will be a completely separate menu celebrating street food. You can walk up and order breakfast, lunch, dinner or even late-night. There will be a sandwich called Rou Jia Mo, which is a bun filled with the Pig Face that we serve at Girl & the Goat and topped with hoisin and pickled cucumber. We’ll also serve a Jianbing breakfast crepe, with egg and sausage, and Chinese donuts.

Duck Duck Goat is one of the most highly anticipated openings of 2016. How does that make you feel?

Of course I’m a little nervous, and these things take time, but I try not to compare myself to anyone. I do the best I can do.

What is it like being a female in a world of mostly male celebrity chefs?

Well, I’m having a baby in a few months. I’m showing now, so that’s a bit different.

Congratulations! Can you share any baby news?

It’s a boy, due in May. The hardest part is just waiting to meet him.

You and your husband [Gary Valentine, married three years] must be so excited. You work together, don’t you?

Yes, he is the beer director for all three Goat restaurants. He’s been a huge help, with the beer and other parts of opening. We’re not side-by-side, but we see each other throughout the day.

What are your plans for after the baby arrives?

I’ll have to take a couple weeks off, but I’m not one for sitting around. I plan to bring the baby to work.

Best of luck with your baby boy and the newest Goat. We can’t wait to see them both!

Thank you. Please keep an eye on social media for the official opening. The takeout window should open a few days before the restaurant.

We’ll be there, ready to try some delicious new Chinese dishes!

Duck Duck Goat
857 W. Fulton Market
Chicago
312-492-6262

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The Trauma of Privilege: How Overprotective Parenting Hinders

Posted on March 10, 2016 by Cortney Fries

Published by Make It Better- February 2016

Privilege can be a curse, according to Harriet Rossetto, founder of nationally recognized Beit T’Shuvah, a faith-based recovery community in California with 140 beds and an $11 million budget. When Rossetto noticed exponential growth in Beit T’Shuvah’s young adult population, she coined the term “trauma of privilege” to describe the misattunement children experience when they feel pressure to fit into a model, imposed by society and parents, that doesn’t necessarily align with who they are.

While the term trauma can seem overdramatic, implying a serious and sometimes permanent injury, it is intended to describe a condition that can be changed. Rossetto’s goal is to help parents understand the effects of hyper-indulgent, overprotective parenting that fails to promote accountability or responsibility, and teach them how to turn this trend around.

“Parents fear their kids won’t be the best,” Rossetto says. “If their kid doesn’t get into the top college, or the even the best nursery school, they believe the child will be disadvantaged in life. That fear leads parents to do things for their kids that the kids should be doing for themselves.”

This sort of parenting causes children to have certain expectations and a sense of entitlement not tied to their own efforts, while also sending an unconscious message that children are not competent and cannot do anything for themselves. “It’s fear-based parenting, not love-based parenting,” Rossetto says. “If we don’t allow failure, we are threatening the balance. The sense of self you need to operate in the world gets built from trying and failing, accomplishing goals and facing problems.”

“Privilege is a tough word for me,” says Karen*, a Wilmette mother to Mark, whose life came crashing down six years ago. Growing up, Mark had attended private day school. Karen and Mark’s father divorced when Mark was 12 years old, but Karen says she was a very present mom. “Mark knew I would fight tooth-and-nail for him,” she says. “Looking back I realize, instead of letting him fight his own battles, I would intervene.”

Mark’s problems started innocently, betting a can of Coke over who could run the fastest. By college, his gambling escalated to horse races and casinos, until there was always a bet on something. “Later, Mark told me he felt like he didn’t matter unless he had money,” Karen says. “Through gambling, he could become a person of status.”

After graduation, Mark moved to Los Angeles with his girlfriend, and continued to live the high life. Until the day he called his mother to say he needed help.

“I thought he overdrew his bank account or racked up a high credit card bill,” Karen says. Instead, Mark had embezzled money from his employer. His wife left, all his friends dropped him and his employer pressed charges.

Beit T’Shuvah was Mark’s saving grace. He attended Gamblers Anonymous there before and after his eight-month stint in prison. “It was a tough love situation,” says Karen. “While there were things I didn’t agree with, I stopped fighting those battles.”

Today Mark is gambling-free, gainfully employed and paying back his debt. He’s also getting married this year. “The scar will always be there,” his mother says. “He’s a convicted felon. But maybe that’s what it took — to go down this road and meet these people. He’s acknowledged that he’s flawed and realized that it’s not all about money.”

Karen believed trauma and privilege were oxymorons. Now she understands that advantage has its downside. “The more we try to coddle our kids and provide a better life, we can go overboard,” she says. “Kids don’t learn to live life on their own terms. With no coping mechanism, they become very insecure with their mistakes.”

Doug Rosen’s parents dropped him off at Beit T’Shuvah as a spoiled, drug-addicted 27-year-old. Eleven years later, he is now the Director of Partners in Prevention at Beit T’Shuvah. Rosen believes the “Trauma of Privilege” stems from our innate, animalistic desire to survive. Those in the middle class no longer have to worry about securing a roof over their head. Instead, they fill that void by achieving — or overachieving. But determining what will provide the most material success and make you happy can be a daunting task.

Rosen gives speeches to middle schoolers who are worried about getting good grades. Kids believe their entire lifetime of happiness is tied to the grades they receive now. This can lead to perfectionism, anxiety and depression.

“We’re a quick-fix society,” says Rosen. “If you have a headache, take a pill. We don’t want to deal with any discomfort. Parents don’t want to see their kids struggle.” Rosen warns that if you give in to the temper tantrums of your 6-year-old, the tantrums only get uglier as the child grows.

He also advises that children should not enjoy all the comforts of success, like new cars and credit cards, at 16 years old. Young adults should have the opportunity to grow, and to actively participate in that growth and achievement. Even a graduate who gets a great job out of college probably won’t be able to keep up with the lifestyle they grew accustomed to when their parents were footing the bill.

Beth Fishman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with the Jewish Center for Addiction in Skokie, says privilege refers to having enough time and resources to focus strongly on your children. She believes it’s often a family disease system, where parents have been traumatized in the same way. “While trauma has a charge around it, it also has a positive element, meaning that it is eminently changeable,” Fishman says. “The fix is good, solid parenting practice.”

Children should earn their own money and pay for their own activities. There should be clear boundaries and family expectations for behavior. “When children mess up, as they will, they need to be held accountable,” says Fishman. “Children have to build their own sense of self-efficacy to know that they can be effective in their lives.” That doesn’t mean it should be without parental support. Parents can listen and help problem-solve, but doing everything for their children isn’t a good idea.

Unfortunately, habits and behaviors can become entrenched, especially in a community. It’s nearly impossible for one family to succeed at this on their own. We have to help each other. “A culture of judgment and lack of acceptance is very damaging to our children,” says Fishman. “While unintentionally teaching to judge others, we ultimately judge ourselves.”

Instead, Fishman recommends focusing on making the world a better place. Make an effort to expose your family to other cultures and connect with people whose lifestyles differ from your own. Try traveling, not as a tourist, but to gain one-on-one personal experience with people who are different from you. Or consider involving your child in a program like Seeds of Peace, which gives teenagers opportunities to dialogue with others across conflict lines and discover ways to work for positive change.

* Names and identifying details have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

12 totally cool summer camps

Posted on February 7, 2016 by Cortney Fries

Published by Chicago Parent magazine- February 2016

Call me Olaf, but I’m dreaming of summer. Not only is the warm weather wonderful, but it’s also the perfect time for kids to try new activities and delve into subjects they love. And luckily, Chicago offers a tremendous range of interesting and inspiring summer camps.

Here are 12 day camps that are so crazy-cool, they fill up fast. So start dreaming of summer and book some engaging activities for your kids now.

Emerald City Theatre Summer Camp

Who: Imaginative kids ages 3 1/2-13

Where: Lakeview and Lincoln Park neighborhoods in Chicago

When: One week half-day sessions for preschoolers. Two-week 9 a.m.-3 p.m. sessions for kids 5-13.

How much: $225 for 3 1/2- to 5-year-olds for one week half-days. $750 for 5- to 13-year-olds for two weeks full-days.

Why it’s hailed as the best drama camp in town:

– Kids write and perform dialogue, create costumes and develop choreography

– Life skills are learned through drama: listening, problem solving, math, literacy and gross motor

– Final performances give students a chance to shine on stage and parents a look at what kids have been learning

– Themes include Frozen, Wizard of Oz and Lion King

Second City Summer Comedy Camps

Who: Budding comedians ages 8-18

Where: Old Town in Chicago

When: Half-day morning improv sessions for 8- to 10-year-olds. Full-day programs for ages 11 and up include afternoon sketch comedy sessions. Post camp workshops available until 5 p.m.

How much: $280–$1,000

Why this camp is no joke:

– Kids come from across the country and abroad to attend

– Bolsters creative thinking, self-confidence, brainstorming, team building, empathy and communication skills

– Two-week campers present a show to friends and family on a Second City stage

– Special performance by The Second City National Touring Company

School of the Art Institute of Chicago Multi-Arts Summer Camps

Who: Creative thinkers and future problem-solvers ages 4-18

Where: Downtown Chicago

When: Half-day and full-day 9 a.m.-5 p.m. camps available in one-week sessions

How much: $220 half-day per week, $440 full day per week. Financial assistance is available.

Why you’ll draw up a love for this camp:

– Culture, art and design are the focus of studio projects and museum visits

– It’s all about the process! Kids are encouraged to explore, imagine and design in their own unique ways

– Drawing, painting, sculpture, fashion, architecture, digital design and animation are explored

BollyGroove Summer Camp

Who: Dancers and shakers ages 3-13

Where: TBD (likely West Loop, River North or Lakeview in Chicago)

When: Half-day and full-day 9 a.m.-4 p.m. camps available by week

How much: $350 for a half-day week, $600 for a full-day week

Why this camp is groovy:

– Dance classes teach graceful movement to Indian music

– Kids learn all things Indian (people, places, language and festivals) in a theatrical Culture ZOOM

Double J Riding Club Summer Horse Camp

Who: Horse lovers ages 5-15

Where: Countryside

When: Four five-hour days per week, Monday-Thursday 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Before and after care is available.

How much: $315 per week

Why this camp is horse heaven:

– Riding lessons every day with a licensed instructor

– Horse grooming and bathing

– Horse crafts like finger painting and scrapbooking

Brookfield Zoo Camp

Who: Animal fanatics ages 6-12

Where: Brookfield

When: Half-day and full-day camps available by the week; before and after care available

How much: $150-$405 per week

Why you’ll be wild about this camp:

– It’s now a partner with the National Inclusion Project, so anyone of any ability can enjoy this camp

– Close encounters with wildlife and nature

– Carousels, dolphins and motor safaris, oh my!

– Solve a zoo mystery and touch biofacts

Trapeze School New York- Chicago Summer Youth Adventure Program

Who: Aspiring circus performers ages 6-14

Where: Edgewater neighborhood, Chicago

When: Full-day one-week sessions 8 a.m.-4 p.m. Three sessions available per summer. One session per camper.

How much: $599

Why this camp has kids soaring to new heights:

– Two-hour flying trapeze sessions

– Acrobatic yoga, trampoline, tightrope and aerial silk instructions

– End of week performance and party for friends and family

Girls Rock! Chicago Girls Camp

Who: Aspiring musicians ages 8-16 who identify as girls/women, transgender and/or gender non-conforming

Where: Location TBD (past three years have been in Chicago’s West Loop)

When: Seven-day week, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. weekdays with before and after care available, weekend performance and recording. Two one-week sessions available per summer. One session per camper.

How much: $425 per week. Sliding scale tuition with scholarships available. No one will be turned away for lack of funding.

Why this camp rocks:

– Volunteer run 501(c)(3) organization focused on fostering girls’ creative expression and self-esteem

– No musical experience is necessary

– 4:1 camper to counselor ratio ensures plenty of individual attention

– Instrument instruction, music composition coaching, recording and songwriting workshops provided

– Campers perform on Chicago stages, such as Schubas and Metro

– Each band professionally records a CD

Hi-Five Sports Camp

Who: Sports nuts ages 4-14

Where: Chicago’s West Loop Gate District and Northfield

When: Flexible two-, four-, six- and eight-week programs, customizable three-, five- and seven-week programs

How much: Starts at $1,295 for two full-day weeks

Why this camp hits it out of the ballpark:

– Nonstop sports plus instructional swim

– Door-to-door bus transportation included

– Staffed by professional coaches, college athletes and physical education teachers

– Hot lunch program catered by Chicago favorites, like Lou Malnati’s

– Field trips to sporting events and special event days, like Color Wars and Carnival Day

Chicago Fire Soccer Summer Camps

Who: Soccer sensations ages 6-16

Where: Communities across Chicagoland

When: Half-day and full-day programs offered by week

How much: Starts around $110 per one half-day week

Why this camp is a kick:

– Professional coaches come from across the world (learn new cultures and accents)

– Campers can host international coaches for a unique bonding experience and free camp attendance

– Individual player evaluations

– Exclusive Chicago Fire Summer Camp Graduation experience at Toyota Park

– Chicago Fire T-shirt and soccer ball

Kids Science Labs

Who: Critical thinkers ages 4-12

Where: Communities across Lincoln Park and South Loop neighborhoods in Chicago, plus Northbrook

When: Full-day and half-day options with extended care available; 12 weeks of camp in one-week sessions with six unique themes

How much: $275-$450 per week

Why this camp is cognitively crazy-good:

– Hands-on exploration builds kids’ academic confidence

– Themes include Artists are Scientists Too, Sports Medicine and I Can Make Anything

– Kids take home creations each day

– Parents don’t have to clean up the mess!

Camp Chicago Botanic Garden

Who: Outdoor enthusiasts ages 4-15

Where: Glencoe

When: One week and two week full-day and half-day available all summer 9:30 a.m.-3 p.m. Before and after care available.

How much: $212 for one-week half-day programs. $868 for full-day two-week programs. 20 percent membership discount provided.

Why this camp is a natural choice:

– Engaging activities explore the connections between nature and art, science, math, movement and cooking

– Themes like Forensic Investigators, Surviving Outdoors, Expert Wizardry and Bug Brigade

– Home connections help parents share the experience with their campers

Camp details subject to change. Check program websites for the latest information.

Is Stress Making You Sick? Fight It By Retraining Your Brain

Posted on February 7, 2016 by Cortney Fries

Published by Make It Better- December 2015

Nine days after losing his job at Stanford Medical School, Don Joseph Goewey was diagnosed with a brain tumor. With six weeks to wait before his surgery, Goewey spent his days consumed with worry.

Married with four kids, the family’s mortgage depended on his income. Goewey’s doctors warned he might never be able to work again, leading him to fear the worst. He imagined his family destitute, losing everything he had worked for. His fears consumed him for weeks, leading him to question what was worse — the debilitating stress or the possible outcomes of surgery.

Goewey recalled a simple process he had learned from Carl Rogers, PhD, the father of humanistic psychology. First, he became keenly aware of his fearful thoughts and what the perception of doom and gloom did to him. Second, he acknowledged the thoughts were inside him and not necessarily a result of the world around him. Third, he asked himself what his experience became when he didn’t believe he would be impoverished. The answer was that he calmed down. He relaxed, felt relieved, and eventually reached a point of peace.

Stress wreaks havoc on our minds and bodies.

Stress is often a result of what is happening inside us, as a result of our worries, fears and doubts, rather than what is happening to us. In “The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worrying from Stopping You,” Robert Leahy, PhD, cites a study in which subjects were asked to write down their frets and possible outcomes over a two-week period. Remarkably, 85 percent of the time, those fears never came to fruition. Even when outcomes were negative, people handled them better than predicted 79 percent of the time. We worry about terrible troubles that often don’t arise.

“Even if the tiger is only in our minds, or in the form of a demanding boss or toddler, our bodies still react as if we are fighting a real, live tiger,” says Diane Amstutz, PhD, psychologist at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago’s Center for Pain Management. Cortisol and adrenaline flood our systems to produce the natural fight or flight response. When we are in a continuous state of stress, it inhibits our ability to cope and creates a vicious cycle.

“Not only are there mental effects of stress, like depression, anxiety and bipolarity, but we are finding more and more physical effects are directly related, such as high blood pressure and increased incidence of diabetes,” says Dr. Anjali Bhagra, associate professor of medicine at Mayo Clinic College of Medicine, whose current research topics include stress reduction and healthy aging through optimism.

Financial and occupational woes are leading causes of stress, which often compounds and spreads to other areas of one’s life, significantly impacting physical health. A Princeton study found that financial stress can lower IQ by 40 percent, while a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology determined the more problems people experienced at work, the more they criticized their spouses at home. Researchers from the Harvard School of Public Health found that those who experienced outbursts of anger increased their risk of heart attack by five-fold and stroke by three-fold. Yale University found the inability to cope with stress can lead to poor outcomes post-heart attack. Mounting evidence points to the cumulative effects stress has on aging and countless medical conditions. So what can we do?

1. Retrain your brain for healthier function.

A popular analysis of London taxi drivers and bus drivers demonstrates that you can grow and change areas of your brain. By searching for directions and scouting new routes, taxi drivers increased the part of their brain that improves spatial memory and navigation skills. Bus drivers, who are confined to the same routes, did not experience the same benefit.

“95 percent of people I come across aren’t aware that we can change our brains,” Bhagra says. “We can make biological changes by how we pay attention.” Neuroplasticity, or brain plasticity, is the concept that describes the brain’s ability to mold and change throughout life. For example, new languages can be learned into adulthood and stroke patients can regain skills by forming new connections in the brain.

We can retrain our brains to respond to stress in more positive and productive ways. “Stress is not going to go away. It’s only going to get worse,” Bhagra says. “We need to spin it from a threat to an opportunity.” The challenge is to find ways to use your natural stress response for growth — as a friend rather than an enemy.

“We will have anger, resentment and envy,” says Bhagra. “But attention training teaches us not get stuck in that loop for too long.” Acknowledge what you are feeling, but then shift your body from overdrive to a more relaxed state, just as Goewey did.

Don Joseph Goewey

In fact, Goewey was able to maintain such a positive attitude despite his trying circumstances that the head of another department offered him a job. Goewey credits his mind-body connection with helping him to emerge from his brain surgery with an optimal outcome. That was 30 years ago. Today Goewey is the managing partner of ProAttitude, a human performance firm focused on combatting workplace woes, and the author of “The End of Stress: Four Steps to Rewiring Your Brain.”

“Stress is not something you should one day do something about,” says Goewey. “You need to attend to it everyday. It’s as important as if your doctor diagnosed you with a serious illness, because stress is the cause of serious illness.”

When you’re in the heat of the moment, it helps to think about whether the stressful situation will matter in five years. “If the answer is yes, then make it 10 years,” Bhagra says. Think about what you can learn from the situation instead of letting the stress of it dominate your thinking. “Stress is your assessment that this situation is overwhelming you. It is your fear that you won’t deal with it well,” Goewey says. “Save yourself at least the stress reaction. It can derail you by debilitating the higher brain function you need to solve the problem.”

2. Use micro-moments to make a big impact.

It is important to actively engage in stress release. “You know what stress feels like in your body,” says Amstutz. “Headaches, stomach pains, jitters? Stop what you’re doing and allow yourself a micro-bit of self care.” It doesn’t have to be a run at the gym or a day at the spa. Just a walk in the sunshine will do. Talk to a friend or colleague. Realize you don’t have to go it alone. Outside feedback can help you see your situation from a different perspective.

Try to include pleasurable activities in every day — even the busy ones. Do you love knitting or reading? “Some people might call these distractions,” says Amstutz. “But you’ll find you get much more done if you don’t push yourself until you drop. Take care of your needs and you’ll still have the same amount of time you would as if you spent the day worrying about your situation.”

“Every day commit yourself to a better mental state for a better quality of life,” Goewey recommends. The more time you spend practicing calming techniques and quieting stress, the better you get at it. “The prefrontal cortex is online more, stimulating growth of new nerve and brain cells, creating new networks. Your potential has expanded,” Goewey says. “It’s either expanding throughout your life or it’s shrinking, and that’s almost entirely based on how stressed you are.”

3. Employ positive reflection to get through difficult times.

“Sprinkle micro-meditative moments throughout your day,” Bhagra says. When you wake up, think of five things you are grateful for before you even get out of bed. It rewires your brain and resets the tone for the day to empowered and positive. Send a gratitude text or email to some one you know. Ritual is key to enabling this practice.

Practicing daily gratitude and maintaining positivity can be challenging when facing significant life struggles. “Being in a difficult situation, with sick parents, special needs children or facing divorce, is tough,” says Goewey. “But a negative attitude can make it 10 times harder.”

Amstutz, who coaches patients with disabilities, asks you to think about what you are saying to yourself about your situation. Is it encouraging and helpful or is it harmful? Focus on what is possible for you.

“Should is a very dangerous word,” she warns. “I often respond with who said you should?” Patients as young as 8 years old understand they can think differently. Realize you don’t have to like your situation, but you can handle it. “It’s very liberating when you understand you have some control,” Amstutz says.

Often we come out of trying times with higher meaning that we did not imagine before. We appreciate our health or everyday joys in a new way. “It’s important to remember that no difficult time is permanent,” Bhagra says. “And there’s always sunshine after rain.”

A woman whose mother was suffering from Alzheimer’s told Goewey she was stressed watching her mother decline, feeling like she couldn’t do anything to help. He responded that the one thing she could do was to make loving her mother the primary way of interacting with her. “If you’re beating yourself up feeling stressed because you have no control over the progress of an illness, you’ll wear yourself down,” Goewey says. “Love is an incredibly positive force. The only thing we completely control in any situation is our attitude.” Renowned psychiatrist Karl Menninger said, “Attitude is more important than facts.” Attitude determines how you experience facts.

“If you retrain your attention, you’ll have better brain volume, prevent yourself from developing dementia and live happier and healthier,” Bhagra says. Rewiring happens with ritual. Make small changes in your day and experience the lasting effects they can have over your lifetime.

How 36 Questions Rebooted My Stale Marriage

Posted on February 6, 2016 by Cortney Fries

Published by Redbook- Jan 2015

“Love is the biggest predictor of human happiness,” says psychologist Arthur Aron. “More so than wealth or success. Relationship quality is even a bigger predictor of human health than smoking or obesity.”

How do you view your love life? As wedding anniversaries roll around, do you reflect on your marriage—examine how your love has deepened, contemplate the twists and turns of your relationship, or reminisce about that elusive, initial spark? Do you wonder wistfully if you’ll ever again smolder in the hottest of flames, or if you’re destined to let the embers burn?

Continue reading “How 36 Questions Rebooted My Stale Marriage” →

Winter Escape to Yesteryear in Galena, Illinois

Posted on January 23, 2016 by Cortney Fries

Published by Make It Better- January 2016

Trade today’s stresses for the charms of yesteryear with a quick getaway to picturesque Galena, Illinios, a three-hour drive from Chicago. With 85 percent of this quaint, tiny town listed as a national historic district, visiting is like stepping back to a calmer time. While the eclectic shops, spas and wineries make for a fun girlfriends’ getaway, guys and couples will also be tempted to make a winter trip for the skiing, romantic suites and hip new distillery.

Blaum Bros. Distilling Company

Stop here on your way into town to warm up with some whiskey and set the pace for a relaxing retreat. This two-year-old distillery, owned by a pair of Chicago-area brothers, is modern, cozy and completely unpretentious. Take the 45-minute tour to learn about the difference between vodka and gin, the glory of white oak barrels, and why their copper kettle is called Chester (hint: the brothers are movie buffs). Or just sink into the leather sofas or belly up to the copper bar for cocktails with a kick. The New Belly Fitz is a refreshing mix of gin, lemon, simple syrup and lavender bitters. Blaum Bros. Hellfyre vodka is spicy — infused with jalapeños, habaneros and black peppercorns — yet fabulous in a hot chocolate, Bloody Mary or chocolate martini. If you can’t get enough of Blaum Bros.’ tipples, don’t distress. Their spirits are sold in the Chicago area at Binny’sand Whole Foods. To put your own mark on some bottles, participate in a “labeling party,” where volunteers spend an evening at the distillery labeling new bottles. 9380 U.S. Highway 20 W, Galena,815-777-1000

Photo courtesy of Blaum Bros. Distilling Company.

Ulysses S. Grant Home State Historic Site

No visit to Galena is complete without a stop at the home of Civil War hero and 18th President of the United States, Ulysses. S. Grant. Tours of the handsome brick home with original furnishings, including Grant’s favorite green velvet chair, are available from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. in the winter. Entertaining guides bring history to life with quips like, “The South was easier to conquer than the in-laws.” 500 Bouthillier St., Galena, 815-777-3310

Photo by Cortney Fries.

Main Street

Much of your time in Galena will be spent strolling the charming downtown Main Street, popping into art galleries, antique shops, toy stores, boutiques, restaurants and drinking establishments. Indulge in a sweet treat at Stam Chocolate, where they boast their fine European chocolate is better than any you’ve ever tasted. For dinner, the intimate Perry Street Brasserie and Italian steakhouseFried Green Tomatoes garner great reviews. Perry Street Brasserie was even named one of the Top 100 Best Restaurants in America by OpenTable’s 2014 Diners’ Choice Awards. Make sure to request reservations in advance. After dinner, head to Galena Brewing Company to sample some of their 12 beers on tap. Live music lights up Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m.

Scenic Views

Take in the rolling hills and tri-state views at several scenic stops. Casper Bluff and Horseshoe Mound offer spectacular lookouts over Iowa, Wisconsin and the Mississippi River.

Chestnut Mountain Resort

This Illinois skiing and snowboarding paradise, with 19 trails for beginners to experts, sits high on the hills above the Mississippi River. The resort’s slope-side rooms with gorgeous views, two delicious dining options, and indoor pool, sauna and Jacuzzi make it the perfect escape to help you hit your refresh button. 8700 W. Chestnut Mountain Road, Galena, 800-798-0098

The view from Chestnut Mountain (Photo by Cortney Fries.)

Goldmoor Inn

If you’re hoping for special time with your sweetheart, the Goldmoor Inn is a beautiful bed and breakfast reminiscent of a castle in the countryside. Suites, cottages and log cabins all feature king-size beds, whirlpool tubs and fireplaces, perfect for cozying up after a cold, winter’s day. Savor a chef-prepared breakfast and sensational views of the Mississippi River in the dining room or in the comfort of your room. Relax and unwind in accommodations that have earned TripAdvisor’s Certificate of Excellence for the past five years in a row. Special packages, such as the “Stay Three and Ski Free” and “Bald Eagle Winter Flight Package,” are available. 9001 W. Sand Hill Road, Galena,815-777-3925

Photo courtesy of Goldmoor Inn.

Otto’s Place

For brunch, you can’t go wrong with Otto’s Place, a café and lounge nestled next to the train tracks, blocks away from the bustle of Main Street. Their healthy home-cooked dishes, like sweet potato hash and flaky quiche, are great ways to start the day. As your meal is being prepared, read about the restaurant’s colorful history. While the original Otto was never able to open his own restaurant, the couple behind Otto’s Place has brought his dream to life with an inviting atmosphere and mouthwatering dishes in this lively little café. 100 Bouthillier St., Galena, 815-776-0240

Photo by Cortney Fries.

Mardi Gras Celebration

Visit Feb. 6 for a parade with beads galore, restaurants featuring Mardi Gras-inspired appetizers, ice and snow sculpting and a Masquerade Ball.

Banish winter blahs at Wisconsin Dells

Posted on January 23, 2016 by Cortney Fries

Published in Chicago Parent magazine- January 2016

Your family so needs a mini-escape and you’ve always wanted to check out the “The Waterpark Capital of the World,” but when it comes time to book that escape, the choices can become a tad overwhelming and you never make the reservation.

So we put together an insider’s guide to the warm waters, winter sports and fun indoor activities to keep your winter boredom at bay.

Where to stay

Wilderness Resort

511 E. Adams St., (800) 867-9453

Best for: Winter tanning

Wilderness boasts four indoor water parks, all accessible through inside walkways. Wild WaterDome’s transparent roof makes sunbathing possible even when there’s snow on the ground. Here you can ride the waves in America’s largest indoor wave pool. Or try the new slideboard experience, a surfboard ride that combines the thrill of water slides with the interactive skill of gaming, which opens in December. When your time in the water is done, have some fun at the new indoor attractions. Spin around the spiraling two-story go-kart trail, test your agility in the Lazer Maze or have a showdown in the Lazer Tag arena.

Kalahari Resort

1305 Kalahari Drive, (608) 254-5466

Best for: Family slides

Kalahari offers Disney-caliber comforts within an African-themed atmosphere. There’s fun for all bravery levels, from bodyboarding to tot slides. With rafts for up to three people, family water slides are great for getting little ones used to big rides or sharing group giggles. Kalahari’s indoor theme park features a six-story Ferris wheel, ropes courses for tykes and teens, bumper boats and even a pulse-pounding pendulum ride.

Great Wolf Lodge

1400 Great Wolf Drive; (608) 253-2222

Best for: Festive suites

Great Wolf’s warm indoor water park is sure to thrill your whole pack. With zero-depth entry pools and many mini water slides, even the tiniest tots will have a great time while the big kids swirl down the tornado slide. After splishing and splashing, snuggle up in your own winter wonderland. Snowland suites, decorated with holiday trees and snowflakes, are available for the first time this year. Plus you can enjoy holiday festivities throughout the resort–dine in a life-size gingerbread house or bask in the twinkling glow of indoor snowfall.

Where to play indoors

Rick Wilcox Magic Theater

1670 Wisconsin Dells Pkwy.; (608) 254-5511

Best for: Mesmerizing illusions

Want to add some wow to your Wis Dells getaway? Illusionists Rick and Suzan Wilcox keep audiences guessing, and laughing, in their Vegas-quality magic show. Kids will be captivated by the double levitation. Parents will appreciate that, even though it’s in Wisconsin, the show isn’t too cheesy. Audience members can volunteer to participate in the action and get a great prize. Check for tickets first–only a few 7 p.m performances are available in November and December.

Knuckleheads Trampoline Park * Rides * Bowling

150 N. Gasser Road, Lake Delton; (608) 254-7332

Best for: Giant trampolines

Got a few cooped-up kids? Knuckleheads is just the place to set those jumping beans free. Shoot hoops, play dodgeball, take a flying leap into the foam pit or bounce around the huge trampoline court. A 60-minute session is enough to wear anyone out. Little leapers will love the jumping pillow. Cool down at the 4D theater, bowling alley, arcade or indoor coaster.

Tommy Bartlett Exploratory

560 Wisconsin Dells Pkwy.; (608) 254-2525

Best for: Brain boosters

Examine the silly side of science in over 175 hands-on exhibits. Ever wonder what it’s like inside a thundercloud? Find out as your hair stands on end (an awesome photo opportunity). Tykes can tackle the Big Dig while bigger kids get a kick out of the interactive sports.

Where to explore outdoors

Bigfoot Zipline Tours

1550 Wisconsin Dells Pkwy.; (608) 254-5555

Best for: High-flying fun

Experience the cool exhilaration of zipping through the treetops over frozen waters. Bigfoot Ziplines is open year-round and thrill seekers ages 4 and up can glide across seven different ziplines, including the longest at almost 1,400 feet long.

Woodside Ranch

W4015 State Road 82, Mauston; (800) 626-4275

Best for: Horseback heaven

Take in a peaceful winter horseback ride at Woodside Ranch, a 15-minute drive from the Dells. With more than 1,000 wooded acres and 100 horses and ponies, no two trail rides will be the same. Wagon and sleigh rides also available.

Cascade Mountain

W10441 Cascade Mountain Road, Portage; (608) 742-5588

Best for: New skiers

Small children or anyone new to skiing will feel confident here. Try the Cascade Kids program, where kids 4-10 can learn the basics of skiing and snowboarding. Kids ski free with a paid adult.

Where to eat

MACS Macaroni and Cheese Shop

208 Broadway; (608) 678-2300

Best for: Wisconsin cheesiness

There’s nothing like comfort food on a cold day, and MACS has mac n’ cheese down. Not only have they mastered the gooey goodness of the Original Mac, with bubbling cheddar and mozzarella cheeses atop noodles with crispy breadcrumbs, but their unique offerings hit the mark. Popeye Mac is perfect, with provolone, mozzarella, spinach, sautéed onions and mushrooms.

High Rock Cafe

232 Broadway; (608) 254-5677

Best for: Fresh favorites

Looking for fresh food in a contemporary setting? Sit on the second floor of High Rock Café and overlook the downtown Dells. The hearty, flavorful wraps and savory soups are sensational, and the garlic tator tot and broccoli salad sides are worth the upcharge. While this restaurant is slightly more upscale, it offers classic kids’ meal with quality ingredients. Plus, who wouldn’t go crazy for the High Rock Kit Kat or Dirt n’ Worms desserts?

Buffalo Phil’s Pizza & Grille

150 Gasser Road, Lake Delton; (608) 254-7300

Best for: Train-delivered food

Retrieving your meal from a model train is fun, especially when a rotating cast of stuffed animal characters accompanies it. Buffalo Phil’s offers Lil’ Buckaroo meals, tasty barbecue dishes with buckets of sweet and spicy sauce options and a new pizza, pasta, soup and salad lunch buffet. Plus it’s connected to Knuckleheads, so you don’t even have to put your coats on to continue the fun.

Amelia Island, One of the Top 10 Islands in America, is Just a 2 Hour Flight Away

Posted on January 23, 2016 by Cortney Fries

Published by Make It Better magazine- Jan/ Feb 2016 issue

Amelia Island is one of the best islands in the U.S., according to Condé Nast Traveler’s 2015 Readers’ Choice Awards. This beautiful, history-filled family destination was also recommended by Travel Channel host Samantha Brown in Make It Better’s popular article on hot new vacation destinations. If you’ve been craving a warm-weather getaway that’s close to home, yet feels like yesteryear, choose Amelia Island as your next destination. Make It Better is here to help you experience the best of what this alluring island has to offer.

With 13 miles of pristine, uncrowded beaches, abundant sunshine and mild temperatures year-round, Amelia Island is perfect for a spring getaway or a warm winter respite. This beautiful barrier island on Florida’s Atlantic coast is a quick 30-minute drive from the Jacksonville International Airport, but a complete escape from the bustle of everyday life. Reconnect with friends, family, and even yourself in the relaxed atmosphere, lush landscapes and peaceful quiet of this island, where the roaming wildlife and colorful history are just as much of a draw as the world-class golf, luxurious spas and distinctive restaurants.

Named after Princess Amelia, daughter of King George II, Amelia Island is the only territory in the United States to have been ruled under eight different flags. Once a haven for pirates and nobles, Fernandina Beach is now a charming 50-block district of elegant Victorian mansions, quaint restaurants and eclectic shops.

What to Do

A golfer’s paradise, Amelia Island is home to 117 holes of award-winning golf. Omni Amelia Island Plantation offers 54 championship golf holes, including courses designed by Pete Dye and Bobby Weed, with spectacular views of the natural terrain.

If you’ve dreamed of a gentle horseback gallop along sand and surf, Amelia Island is the perfect place for a beachfront ride. Soak in the sunshine and sounds of the ocean as your feet graze warm waters and saltwater air sweeps through your hair. Horses have a way of calming the soul.

However, if history by horse-drawn carriage is more appealing to you, count on Amelia Carriage Tours. Enjoy tales of the island’s rich history as you cruise the downtown district, which is listed on the National Register of Historic Places. The clip-clop of horse hooves makes a soothing melody as you ride in a restored Victorian carriage pulled by “gentle giant” Belgian draft horses.

Photo courtesy of Amelia Carriage Tours.

Yet if you prefer more active, while still serene, activities, try Kayak Amelia. Informative and friendly guides assist with standup paddleboard yoga, kayak yoga or meditation paddles. If you can imagine doing yoga on a mat floating through crystal blue waters, you’ve captured the idea behind standup paddleboard yoga. Close encounters with herons, sea turtles and manatees may be included. Yoga on the sand or meditation under the full moon will rejuvenate your body and refresh your mind.

If you’re looking for a breathtaking view of Amelia Island or an amazing aerial adventure, check trike flying off your bucket list. Air Amelia offers this activity, also known as powered hang gliding. Fly effortlessly up to 2,000 feet while feeling the breeze on your skin and touching the clouds. The high will soar with you throughout the rest of your trip.

Perhaps you’re looking for a more low-key way to take in the sights and sounds on the water. On anAmelia river cruise, you’re likely to see wild horses, dolphins, sea turtles and manatees. Their Cumberland Island tour is highly recommended.

For nature lovers and history buffs, a visit to Fort Clinch State Park might be the ticket to a sensational vacation. Bike among Spanish moss-draped oaks, hike to the largest sand dunes in Florida or fish off the half-mile pier. Take a living history tour of the most well-preserved 19th century fort in the country or just enjoy the flora and fauna, including tortoises, bobcats and American alligators.

Where to Stay

The Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island is a new addition to the island, combining the Ritz’s upscale ambiance with dashes of southern charm. Revel in stunning coastal views from every private balcony. Relax by the courtyard fire pit, cocktail in hand, or bury your toes in the sand of the dune-lined beaches. Young guests can snuggle up with a special tuck-in from Princess Amelia.

Photo courtesy of The Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island.

The Omni Amelia Island Plantation recently underwent an $85 million re-imagination. This impressive 1,350-acre property is like a world unto itself, with luxurious beachfront accommodations, gorgeous pools, countless dining options and tons of family-friendly activities, including mini golf, biking and nature excursions, all seemingly effortlessly painted into the beautiful backdrop. They even offer a “Biggest Loser Resort” for people who want to take the first step toward getting fit.

Amelia-Island-Omni-Amelia-Island-Plantation-pool

Photo courtesy of Omni Amelia Island Plantation.

Elizabeth Pointe Lodge is a charming oceanfront bed-and-breakfast with wide porches perfect for reading and reclining. Not only is their breakfast exceptional, but they also serve free wine and hors d’oeuvres every evening and complimentary cookies all day.

Photo courtesy of Elizabeth Pointe Lodge.

Many hotels on the island participate in a “Free Night Any Night” program, in which travelers can get their third or fourth night of qualifying stays at certain hotels for free.

Eating Well on the Island

Salt, Ritz-Carlton’s AAA Five Diamond Restaurant, serves artfully prepared dishes from land and sea, seasoned with salts from around the world. For a unique experience, try “Dine with the Chefs.” You’ll get a private seat in the kitchen with a customized menu and optional wine pairings.

Photo courtesy of The Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island.

Joe’s 2nd Street Bistro features casual elegance in an environment similar to dining in a chef’s abode. Located in a restored 1900s home in the historic heart of Fernandina Beach, the ideal spot is under the quaint, covered porch out back. Their creative pasta, seafood and steak dishes are delectable, but the desserts are to die for.

Not only does Amelia Island dining include fabulous French finds, like Le Clos, and tempting tapas atEspaña Restaurant and Tapas, but also several casual cafés that feature quality dishes. Dine at Pi Infinite Combinations for tasty pizza served in a cozy courtyard. Toppings range from spicy pepperoni to fresh local shrimp and black truffle oil. See why Timoti’s Seafood Shak was named one of America’s Best Seafood Dives by Coastal Living magazine in 2013. Their wild-caught fish, clams and shrimp are served in baskets, tacos and wraps. You’ll soon become a part of their fiercely loyal following.

Treat Yourself

Luxurious spas on Amelia Island offer unique and indulgent ways to rejuvenate. The Salon & Spa at Omni Amelia Island Plantation features signature services like the “Seaside Sensory Journey,” a three-step exfoliation under restorative waters, as well as yoga classes and retreats in their Spa Treehouse.

Let stress melt away as you experience the exclusive “Heaven in a Hammock” treatment created byThe Ritz-Carlton Spa®, Amelia Island. Cocooned in an exquisitely crafted hammock, you’ll experience the sense of weightless floatation combined with intuitive touch. Restore your mind and body with complete relaxation.

Shop Under the Sun

Explore the eclectic collection of local shops and galleries in the quaint downtown shopping district. You’ll be sure to notice a line out the door of Fantastic Fudge. If the sweet aroma of fudge and freshly-baked waffle cones doesn’t draw you in, you’ve got stronger willpower than most. Delight in the different fudge flavors crafted throughout the day, the old-fashioned way, on a thick marble slab table. And nothing says vacation like an ice cream cone by the beach.

Next to Fantastic Fudge, you’ll find a reader’s treasure trove at The Book Loft. Immerse yourself in stacks of rare and signed books, as well as pirate and historic collections.

Join the Party

Amelia Island loves to celebrate. Two festivals worth going for are the Shrimp Festival at the end of April and Jazz Festival in October. The Annual Isle of Eight Flags Shrimp Festival features pirates, parades, arts and entertainment and, of course, shrimp. Hosted in historic downtown Fernandina Beach, the birthplace of the modern shrimping industry, it is one of the premier festivals in Southwest Florida.

Photo courtesy of Amelia Island Tourist Development Council.

World-renowned jazz artists, like Larry Coryell and Kevin Mahogany, headline the the Amelia Island Jazz Festival. Get jazzed by the energy and enthusiasm of this fabulous live music fest.

Elf on the Shelf: The Phenomenon

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Cortney Fries

Published in Chicago Parent magazine- December 2015

Like most Elf on the Shelf adoptive parents, Lisa Robinson loves the way her children’s eyes light up at the sight of their elf. However, she worried it could become “selfish on the shelf” and teach kids to think only of themselves.

“Seems to me like bribery and manipulation,” Robinson says. “If I’m good, I’ll get gifts, as opposed to being good because it makes the world better.”

After Thanksgiving, Facebook feeds and Pinterest pages light up with endless elf antics, ranging from silly and sweet to downright mischievous. With more than 8 million copies sold since its inception in 2005, The Elf on the Shelf has become a Christmas phenomenon.

Using this tiny scout to encourage good behavior can be tempting for parents in the busy holiday season. But let’s think about how we would feel knowing someone was monitoring our every move. Is it the best idea to tie presents to good behavior, or should we encourage kids to be good for goodness’ sake?

Children dashing to discover their elf’s latest hiding spot is a delight. So how do we adopt this holiday tradition, yet use it to spread the most cheer?

Behind the phenomenon

According to the book, The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition, by Carol Aebersold and daughter Chanda Bell, the scout elf’s job is to watch and report all that kids do. He tells “the Boss” if they’ve been good or bad.

“The idea of Santa Claus knowing what kids are doing is not new,” says Bell, who adds that her family’s company works directly for Santa Claus and considers it a huge honor to be a special part of other families’ Christmases.

“It’s not about the presents you’re going to get,” Bell says. “It’s more about having a friend from the North Pole in your home. It’s the magic of the moments you wouldn’t otherwise have.”

What child isn’t enchanted by finding their special pal rappelling from the chandelier or taking a marshmallow bath?

“We’ve taken the elf to a new level, making it like an Advent fest,” says Patti Staley, a mom of two in Batavia. Their elf, Candy, puts chocolate coins or stickers in the children’s stockings after they’ve cleaned their rooms or completed their homework without complaining.

On days the kids argue a lot, their stockings are bare. Instead Candy plays a trick on them, like holding their favorite toy hostage so they can’t play with it for the day. The Staley children love their elf so much that they get sad on Christmas Eve knowing Candy is leaving.

“The Elf on the Shelf is wonderful if you’re using it to build imagination,” says Amy McCready, author of The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic- A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World. “We run into problems when we use the elf to manipulate children’s behavior.” It can create anxiety; kids might worry if their behavior is good enough.

“Depending on how it’s used, it can undermine the joy,” McCready says. She recommends parents shelf the book, not the elf, and only use the visitor for fun.

“The idea of telling the kids the elf is watching, so be good for Santa seems counterproductive,” says Sarah Jehl, a mom of three in Chicago. “It ruins what I’ve been trying to do for the whole year, which is teach them to act respectful, kind and well-behaved because that’s what you should do.”

The Jehl family does not have an elf.

“I tell them there’s no nice or naughty list, so why the elf?” says Jehl. “I think Santa understands that kids make mistakes. He would appreciate if all people are kind and respectful and try their hardest to be good year-round.”

Dr. Jonathan Pochyly, pediatric psychologist at Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago, says parents need reliable, long-term strategies for maintaining good behavior year-round.

“I see the value of creating lasting holiday memories,” he says. “But using the elf as a way to promote better behavior can be problematic. It’s best to clearly identify problem behavior, give straightforward feedback with appropriate consequences and follow through effectively.”

The elf is watching

Families truly seem to adore their elves. Similar to how they would with a pet, they share pictures, names and stories about their elves. Many parents creatively conspire their elf’s next move together. But sometimes the shenanigans get out of hand.

“I don’t understand the elves that are naughty at all,” Jehl says. “The elf that is here watching throws flour or unfolds the clothes? I would be livid if my kids did that.”

The best part about this tradition is that you can make it your own.

“We do what fits our lives and what’s good for our kids,” says Amy Wonderling, a Naperville mom of one. “I try not to feel too much pressure.”

Parents can be guilty of threatening no toys for naughty children. But are you really going to withhold Christmas presents or give your child coal?

“They would think, I must be a bad person,” Robinson says. “No, you’re 7. You’re working out how to be nice to your brother. You’re learning the concept that the world is more than me and that’s normal development.”

If you’re going to invite an elf into your home, do it to increase Christmas cheer. “Kids grow up too fast,” Bell says. “We hope the elf is something that can keep them young at heart.”

Tips for a positive, playful elf visits

“Keep it fun and encouraging, as opposed to negative, punitive or critical,” says child psychologist Jonathon Pochyly. Have the elf set good examples for kids to emulate.
Don’t connect the elf to behavior; just pose it as a North Pole visitor, says parenting expert Amy McCready.
“Set two reminders on your phone,” recommends mom Tess McGillicuddy. One reminding you to move the elf, the second checking if you actually did move the elf.

Hosting This Holiday Season? Private Chefs’ Secrets for Easy and Elegant Entertaining

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Cortney Fries

Published by Make It Better- November 2015

With the bustle of the holidays quickly approaching, you probably have plenty of parties to plan. How do you host with elegance and ease? Make It Better consulted three top-notch Chicago private chefs for their tips and tricks.

Executive chef and owner of My Private Chef, Chris Tong, has been creating distinctive cuisine and upscale dining experiences for 30 years. Patricia Butkus, chef and owner of Seasoned Kitchens, an in-home food delivery and private chef service, believes in a back-to-basics approach. Kyle Cooper, a contracted private chef with elite clientele for over 20 years, specializes in gluten-free, kosher, holistic, organic and Paleo foods (and is this writer’s aunt).

All three chefs agree on this: Keep it simple, seasonal and fresh. Here are their other secrets for pulling off a party with panache.

1. Prepare, Prepare, Prepare — So You Can Focus on Guests

Make event day as low-stress as possible by preparing as much as you can in advance. Check, chop and marinate the day before. You’ll have more time to react to unexpected circumstances (like rotten or unripe produce) and focus on the fun at your party. “Peel, trim and package everything individually, so the flavors don’t get muddied,” recommends Butkus. “Then pull it all together just before serving for that just-prepared taste.”

2. Make the Menu Friendly to All Appetites

Ask about allergies and intolerances in advance and remember to include a vegetarian option. “Offer healthy alternatives so people on special diets can indulge too,” recommends Cooper. “Include a dish that is hearty enough to satisfy vegetarians as a main course,” suggests Tong. Mushroom or scallop risottos are great choices.

3. Never Test New Recipes on Guests

“As tempting as it may be to try a new recipe, just don’t do it,” say Butkus. “Restaurant meals taste so delicious because they are prepared over and over again to achieve perfection.” A restaurant would never try a brand-new recipe on its guests — and neither should you. Go for dishes that you have practiced in advance and feel comfortable cooking.

4. Remember Successful Meals Are Like Movies

There should be starring roles and supporting dishes to round out an amazing production. “Don’t agonize over each and every offering,” recommends Butkus. “Get the oohs and ahhs with a few glamour dishes, then support them with some basic, but well-executed options.”

5. Freeze and Thaw Desserts for More Variety

In order to offer a full bounty of tempting treats on the sweets table, bake and freeze them weeks before. “Cakes, brownies, cupcakes, tiramisu, cheesecake and chocolate truffles all save well if you wrap and freeze them, toppings separately, up to three weeks in advance,” says Cooper. “Just thaw and decorate the day of the event.” Top with fresh fruit, never frozen. Cooper’s Carrot Pumpkin Cakeis a seasonal favorite.

6. Go for Gold With a Signature Cocktail

Celebrations sing with seasonal cocktails. Signature drinks add a wow factor and set the tone for the menu to come. Try chef Tong’s Champagne and Pear Nectar cocktail. Rimmed with gold sugar and garnished with poached pear, it’s sure to ramp up the festive fun.

7. Entice Appetites With Small Bites

“Tiny tastes of rich foods that guests don’t often cook at home make the perfect appetizer,” says Cooper. Salmon bites and coconut shrimp draw even the health conscious in for a decadent morsel, without spoiling appetites.

Try Cooper’s Salmon Bites recipe.

8. Plate Portions With Flare

Soups in shot glasses and tastes in Asian spoons make festivities more fun. “Creative individual servings add to the presentation and control portion sizes,” says Tong. Twelve Asian spoons can be purchased for $15 at Crate and Barrel or at your local Asian grocery store.

9. Sharpen Knives for Clean Cuts

Save time and cut down on accidents with regularly-sharpened, high-quality knives. Cooper recommends Zwilling J.A. Henckles or Wustoff block knife sets. Sharpen to mirror shine with aBelgium Blue Sharpening Stone (starts at $49).

10. Use Produce That Pops

“Fresh herbs and vegetables add visual interest,” says Tong. “Flavors should be vibrant and ingredients should vary in color.” Beets, asparagus, corn and peppers are Cooper’s favorites for enhancing flavor and adding color. Have fun with a full spectrum of in season vegetables.

11. Try This Super Handy Tool

Don’t have the space or energy to drag out your blender or food processor? Cooper recommends the Cuisinart Smart Stick 2-Speed Hand Blender. This $60 tool chops, blends, purees and whips. Use it for silky, smooth soups, chopped nuts or salad dressings blended in seconds.

12. Create a Simple, Yet Elegant Ambiance

A stunning table setting makes for a stellar dinner party. Personal touches shine with seasonal elements. Use flowers and herbs to decorate plates and trays. Squash and apples look festive in fall vases. “It’s best to keep everything edible,” says Cooper. Tong recommends placecards tied to mini pumpkins with gold cord. “But don’t shortchange your food preparation to focus on table presentation,” warns Butkus. “No plate or glass ever made the food taste better.” Keep it simple.

13. Hide the Clutter in a Clean Spot

“Clean a place in your closet, basement or garage,” recommends Butkus. “Take everything off your kitchen counters that is not absolutely necessary for your party and move it to that cleaned area.” You’ll thank yourself later, during the party and when you’re able to put your kitchen back together with ease after the event.

4 Impressive Dishes From Chef Pat Butkus of Seasoned Kitchens

Radicchio Cup Salad

The leaves of a larger, fresh, crisp head of radicchio lend themselves to be an easy and creative salad presentation. Select a head of radicchio that is firm without any apparent browning or wilting on the edges of the outside leaves. Use a small paring knife to carefully remove the core. Gently peel the leaf from the head by starting at the base and gently pulling away from the head, taking as much care as possible to keep the leaf intact. The radicchio leaf cups can be prepared in advance on the day of the event and stored in the refrigerator under wet paper towels until ready to use. To serve, place the radicchio cup, base side down, centered toward the back side of the salad plate. Gently fill with your favorite greens allowing them to cascade to the front of the plate. Garnish with fresh or dried fruits, toasted or candied nuts, crumbled cheeses, roasted root vegetables and lightly top with your favorite dressing. All of these items can be prepared the day before, packaged individually and stored in the refrigerator. Assemble and dress the salad just before serving.

Grilled Vegetable Platter

This is always a hit. Some key tips for grilling vegetables: Make sure your grill grate is clean. Lightly toss vegetables with olive oil and salt and pepper before grilling. Dress with vinaigrettes or balsamic glazes after grilling while still warm. Par cook root vegetables and whole garlic bulbs to reduce cooking time on the grill. Make sure to not crowd the vegetables. Cook in a single layer and turn once during the cooking process. Grill lemon halves facedown to bring out the natural sweetness. Squeeze the juice over the vegetables just before serving for a clean, bright flavor addition.

Kabocha Squash Casserole

This is a fun individual presentation for Shepherd’s pies or meat or vegetable stews. Shop for squashes all about the same size with no skin bruises or soft spots. Carefully cut across to remove the top. Be careful, as the shell of the squash is very hard and can be difficult to cut through. If the squash does not sit solid on its bottom, use a sharp knife to trim the protrusions causing the unevenness. Use a large spoon to remove the seeds and fibers. Rub the inside and outside with olive oil and season the inside cavity with salt and pepper. Oven roast, uncovered, at 375 degrees until the orange flesh is tender but the outer shell is still firm — about an hour. Squashes can be prepared in advance up to two days prior and refrigerated until ready to use. These squashes are delicious when filled with your favorite stew or Shepherd’s Pie recipe, which can also be prepared two days in advance. Top the squash by piping you favorite mashed root vegetable on top, which is best when prepared just for assembly. To assemble, make sure all components are hot. Gently reheat the squash, uncovered at 350 degrees for about 15-20 minutes, dependent on size. Place squashes on a tin foil covered sheet pan. Ladle in hot filling until very close to the top. Use a large piping bag with a star tip to pipe florets of the mashed root vegetables. Transfer the squash to keep warm in oven. The squashes can be assembled up to an hour before and held in a 300-degree oven, lightly tented with tin foil. Check occasionally to ensure the root vegetable mash is not drying out. You can also light broil the tops just before serving for an enhanced presentation. This is a one-dish entrée offering that can be a complete meal. A simple salad is the perfect accompaniment. This is also a stunning vegetarian offering for formal dinner parties.

Steak and Maytag Blue Cheese Stuffed Onion

The star of this dinner plate offering is the garnish, which is a perfectly grilled 3/4-inch slice of red onion stuffed with Maytag blue cheese. Shop for a solid red onion on the larger side. You will get two good 3/4-inch slices from the center of each onion. Reserve the remaining unused red onion pieces for another use. Brush each side of the onion slices with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Grill over medium high heat until well marked and tender. To achieve grill marks, turn each slice 1/4 of a turn one time about half way through the cooking process. Flip and repeat the process. Total cook time should be about 10-15 minutes, dependent on the heat of the grill and the size and thickness of the onion slices. Allow one onion slice per person. Carefully remove the slices from the grill to insure they stay intact and transfer to sheet pan in a single layer. Onion slices can be prepared up to two days in advance. To assemble, pre-heat your broiler. Place the onion slices single layer on a lightly greased, tin foil lined sheet pan. If possible, remove the smaller center rings in each slice and place a generous piece of a quality blue cheese in the center crevice. Broil just until the cheeses starts to bubble. Remove quickly and use a metal spatula to carefully remove from the sheet pan and place on the top center of your prepared steak. Garnish the cheese-filled onion slice with a sprig of fresh herbs, if desired.